My Friend Only Ever Talks About Herself: Should I Distance Myself?

Our close companions for over two decades, a person who's faced and conquered numerous hardships, her resilience is commendable. Yet, she's repeatedly taken by surprise by people. Her spouse left her, which came as a huge shock. Many of close acquaintances drifted away at that point, since they had been focused solely on her husband. She was stunned by her. She put in greater energy toward our bond, likely realised more acutely the meaning of companionship.

Ongoing Issues With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, many in her circle have disappeared and she isn't certain of the reason. Her last employer suddenly changed toward her, although she had been an excellent employee, and she left unaware of the reason for the change.

Present Situation

Recently, both of us retired leading to more time together, but I am finding my role in the relationship is as the audience. I start topics of conversation but she shifts conversation onto what interests her. Regarding political views, she has strong opinions. I try to propose verifying facts or other angles.

She's been organizing a trip abroad I know well many times and lived in previously. I tried to offer advice, but this was met with resistance. She essentially solely sought me to confirm her plans. I have returned from four weeks in that place and she wants to meet, yet I'm reluctant.

Evaluating the Situation

I don't want to be a friend that walks away without a word, yet I doubt she will ever grasp the impact of how she acts on my confidence. At this point, I am in pulling back. What's the best step?

Potential Solutions

One option is to walk away, but it is rarely the easy answer that we desire. But confrontation with the goal of working things out demands strength and openness for each of you.

Professional advice indicates using a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"The first step involves describing how things go when you talk. This needs to be as factual as possible and basically exactly what occurs. Next is to tell her how it leaves you feeling. There should be no disagreement here. Emotions belong to you, of course. The third step is to ask how you are both going to change the dynamics between you."

Remember that she also has her own side, thus requiring you to be prepared to hear that. A helpful technique is to say your friend:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to remain silent for half an hour."

Closing Considerations

Your friend might reject your concerns, since certain individuals hold onto a “survival narrative”: they maintain a version of their life they cannot abandon since their identity is tied to it and it represents they've known. It's tough because there's no easy route with these people, just dead ends. But she may start out like this and then think about what you've said. And should a resolution isn't found an agreement, it provides satisfaction from having been truthful.